Strengthening the “Courage Muscle”

I spend a great deal of time at Starbucks.  It’s cool and for the most part quite, and like many people I see at Starbucks, it’s a place to sit in front of the computer and create.   Although sometimes I feel that I’m wasting time.  I walk around a lot too.

These past four weeks in Modesto, CA has been a lot of things to me.  Mostly its been a time where I’ve had to JUST BE and watch my judgments bubble up to my consciousness so I can observe and release them.  Thoughts like: “What are you doing?  You need to look for work. Why are you still here? You’ll never achieve what you’re going for you might as well just get a job and be miserable the rest of your life. Why the heck did you move away from Hawai’i?”

I knew that this adventure would challenge me in different ways and I knew that I would question and doubt what I wanted to do. All of these thoughts; all of the feelings associated with the thoughts; recognizing that they’re just thoughts and I can choose a different one.

I know that what I am trying to do will stretch me in ways that I have never stretched before and that the discomfort will vary according to how much I use my “courage muscle”.  Like any muscle work, I can’t pick up the heaviest weight and start lifting without injuring myself (and maybe others).  I need to start where I challenge the muscle without causing injury.  It’s called strengthening exercises.

So I go to Starbucks, and Barnes & Nobles, and I walk around a lot  – observing my thoughts and noticing the feelings. I work on my workshop and seminar PowerPoint, newsletter, and flyer. I research and read and prepare. Sometimes I get inspired and feel Grace flowing through me, sometimes I hide in a movie theater, but mostly I lift those weights and strengthen my courage muscle. One repetition at a time.