Still Letting Go

I remember when I first became aware that GOD, or the Higher Power I had been seeking for most of my life, dwelled within the body and that the eyes which looked out onto the world around me were that of the Divine—now, having said that I need to go deeper.

I remember growing up and attending church every Sunday and learning mass and when to stand, knee, or sit. I learned that I was born a sinner and needed to repent for all the thoughts and actions that the church, family, and society told me were sinful. I learned that God had a son named Jesus who died for our sins. I learned that there was nothing that I could ever do to appease this God because I was flawed from conception.

I remember that I kept trying to rid myself of this “sin” and that no matter what I did, it was never good enough. I remember becoming hopeless and depressed. I remember that drugs seemed to take SOME of those feelings away and that having FUN felt good, at least while I had it.

I remember when it became apparent that what I was doing and how I lived added to the hopelessness and depression that weighed upon me night and day. It wasn’t until further down the road, less traveled, that I realized that the thoughts I think created the world I lived in. My reality, the life I saw and experienced, was all in my mind.

This mind had been programmed and conditioned since birth to only see SIN.

I remember when I started to let go.

I’m still letting go.