Settling In

Here I am again. What am I doing? Why do I continue to walk this path of despair? It all starts off so wonderful and exciting. Another adventure. Then the fear sets in and I fall into darkness again.  I know that the only way for me to overcome the barriers that I have placed in front of me is to step into them so they may be revealed for what they really are – the illusions of a split mind. And yet it seems that the world continues to conspire against me by disrupting my peaceful life and showing me nothing but limitations.  How do I live a life of love and light when all I see is fear and suffering?

This is what the EGO offers. These thoughts. Nothing but darkness, struggle, despair, fear and loneliness. The conflict that I feel within is because I still don’t believe the Truth; that if it’s not LOVE it’s not real.

Pema Chodron says this inner conflict is the “fundamental ambiguity of being human”.  The doubt, uncertainty and our inability at times to choose between the alternatives presented to us is human.

The opportunity for healing comes when we can observe the ambiguity of being human without judgment of right or wrong.  It is then that we can learn to appreciate and be grateful for our darkest moments and not just our light.

If only I can settle in and still the churning waters of my mind.  To dance with the despair of the unknown.  To let doubts creep in so that I might observe and bless them as messengers of my own salvation.   Maybe then will I free myself from this wounded self-concept and the life-story that I have attached to which forms my identity, and allow life to fall gently around me into a beautiful heap so that I may once more shift back into the light and love that the world truly does offer me.

So I will settle in whenever I can again and again because

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